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Blogging is public sex, or masturbation in the least (yes, I’m still God’s little virgin. Bless me), albeit one without the physical excitation save for the orgy of triggered nerve impulses in my retina.
Disturbing, I know, but if I cannot even state what I have in mind (which flashed for but a second) in the virtual world, why I might as well join the Skulls and Bones Brotherhood (a secret society with a secret unbeknownst to this testosterone-filled intelligentsia but me: I am WOMAN, one and only, hear me not).
So why the bawdy, South Park worthy analogy? Why not compare it with the more innocuous acts of singing, of breastfeeding, of smacking gum? Singing, my dear, has its many modulations (unless you’re Ken Nordine singing droning ‘Orange’) and can be a ticket to gaining popularity and security in reality. Yes, the virtual world with all its colours and adjustable lighting and offerings of global surfing and non-archaeological Diggs is not real! The very notion of us bloggers’ desires to increase traffic is inconceivable; If all the governments in the world are to announce the implementation of halt/ increase traffic policies worldwide simultaneously, a Guinness world record of the highest number of mouths agape will be broken… and being the Delphic wonder that I am, I’m forecasting the record will be broken at peak hour.
But of course, I’m deliberately omitting the magic word ‘blog’ here. As for breastfeeding from what I’ve unwillingly perceived throughout the years, it is quite all sucky business for both sides. The sound of smacking wads of gum need I really say, is galling, oh-my-god-I’ve-recreated-my-neighbour-in-my-caput stuff even to the chewer himself.
Perhaps blogging is just that, blogging, and is so incomparable it transcends all attempts to categorise it.
Does this though, elicit any particular response from you?
Might I also say, Wikipedia is quite the Don Juan?
I guess my blog isn’t really much of a turn-on in the long run until recently. Blogging once in a blue moon gives way to days of extravagant blogging which is also reflected in:
It stings the blogger’s pride too when an expectant day of blogging is ignored by readers. You hear me? This is coming from one victim out of billions worldwide, of blog impotency. Despite the ubiquitousness of the Internet, Blog Viagra® is alas, non-existent as of April 2010.
I’ll end this unorthodox rebel of a post with an excerpt I found on http://scienceblogs.com/isisthescientist/2009/04/brief_scienceblogs_in-fighting.php and let it suffice to say that ‘Tottering in the Zephyrs of Escapism’ will not be as distastefully explicit in the future- I am seeing myself as a male eighth-grader, with face made craggy with zits and eyes secretly occupied with crumpled copies of Playboy. Oh no!:
“it seems to me that talking about your blog traffic is kind of like discussing the frequency that you’re fucking. Either you’re not getting any and lamenting or you’re bragging and inflating the truth. Either way, it’s always awkward and often dishonest.”