Blogging Goes in Deeper than Social Intercourse

Blogging is public sex, or masturbation in the least (yes, I’m still God’s little virgin. Bless me), albeit one without the physical excitation save for the orgy of triggered nerve impulses in my retina.

Disturbing, I know, but if I cannot even state what I have in mind (which flashed for but a second) in the virtual world, why I might as well join the Skulls and Bones Brotherhood (a secret society with a secret unbeknownst to this testosterone-filled intelligentsia but me: I am WOMAN, one and only, hear me not).

Rosie the Riveter

So why the bawdy, South Park worthy analogy? Why not compare it with the more innocuous acts of singing, of breastfeeding, of smacking gum? Singing, my dear, has its many modulations (unless you’re Ken Nordine singing droning ‘Orange’) and can be a ticket to gaining popularity and security in reality. Yes, the virtual world with all its colours and adjustable lighting and offerings of global surfing and non-archaeological Diggs is not real! The very notion of us bloggers’ desires to increase traffic is inconceivable; If all the governments in the world are to announce the implementation of halt/ increase traffic policies worldwide simultaneously, a Guinness world record of the highest number of mouths agape will be broken… and being the Delphic wonder that I am, I’m forecasting the record will be broken at peak hour.

No, seriously.

But of course, I’m deliberately omitting the magic word ‘blog’ here. As for breastfeeding from what I’ve unwillingly perceived throughout the years, it is quite all sucky business for both sides. The sound of smacking wads of gum need I really say, is galling, oh-my-god-I’ve-recreated-my-neighbour-in-my-caput stuff even to the chewer himself.

Perhaps blogging is just that, blogging, and is so incomparable it transcends all attempts to categorise it.

Does this though, elicit any particular response from you?

Might I also say, Wikipedia is quite the Don Juan?

Quite the Don Juan, indeed.

I guess my blog isn’t really much of a turn-on in the long run until recently. Blogging once in a blue moon gives way to days of extravagant blogging which is also reflected in:

Shut your eyelids!

It stings the blogger’s pride too when an expectant day of blogging is ignored by readers. You hear me? This is coming from one victim out of billions worldwide, of blog impotency. Despite the ubiquitousness of the Internet, Blog Viagra® is alas, non-existent as of April 2010.

I’ll end this unorthodox rebel of a post with an excerpt I found on http://scienceblogs.com/isisthescientist/2009/04/brief_scienceblogs_in-fighting.php and let it suffice to say that ‘Tottering in the Zephyrs of Escapism’ will not be as distastefully explicit in the future- I am seeing myself as a male eighth-grader, with face made craggy with zits and eyes secretly occupied with crumpled copies of Playboy. Oh no!:

“it seems to me that talking about your blog traffic is kind of like discussing the frequency that you’re fucking. Either you’re not getting any and lamenting or you’re bragging and inflating the truth. Either way, it’s always awkward and often dishonest.”

20 responses to “Blogging Goes in Deeper than Social Intercourse

  1. Blogs are our own cyberwhores. We try to make them attractive, interesting, appealing in general for a certain demographic. Dressing them up with pictures or a certain format that would be catch the eye of a potential reader (cyberjohn). We are just a single user in a world of billions, like you said. But like “Pretty Woman” occasionally there is the one incident where the blog gets the opportunity to meet that one person that will turn the blog around and become popular.
    You got a great blog, I look forward to reading more.

  2. WAW!!! who are you?
    usually I am so horrified by vulgar language in the blogger world but your language is so adequate in this context.
    So far I am impressed!
    I am so glad that you added the Retweet button so I can retweet you!
    Good job!!
    Mirella

  3. Have you noticed that we both used Rosie the Riveter pictures in our latest post? mine was a rip off Rosie the Riveter LOL LOL !

    • Haha! So we did indeed! I love Rosie the Riveter- she’s so iconic, a butch version of the beautiful Audrey Hepburn! I was even planning to buy the propaganda poster until I realised how very broke I was. And I chose to forego Rosie for Johnny Depp (in Benny and Joon) :P!

      I’m rambling again, aren’t I?

      And who am I? I wonder a lot about that too which is why I feel compelled to minor in philosophy (50-50) next year. I guess you can say I’m a broke young adult (never liked labelling myself a ‘teen’) with very little time on my hands. The lattermost of which I have flung with gusto as you can see.

  4. Are you a man or a woman? I saw your pictures but your last post got me confused.
    Probably you are? LOL LOL
    it is not that there is something wrong about being confused about ones identity:):)
    Since you like to go deep in discovering things LOL LOL LOL….

    • A woman, a woman!

      You’ve got it right though that I am rather confused about my own identity. I can be overly feminine one day (which brings out the tulle-swishing, tiara-knocking, 45-degrees-gloved-hand-waving, shrilly Princess in me) and stomp around in brogues and men’s oxford shirts singing ‘King of the Road’ in contralto the next day!

      I’m a messed-up person, I know (who likes to go deep in things, thank you very much!).

      • I should also warn you (and other readers and I) that school commences for me next week, so I will be writing much less often (one would hope… my senior high year is crumbling to ashes in my own palms), regrettably.

  5. Sorry to overwhelm you with my messages, I promise to stop after that:)

    I am glad you are a woman, this is how I imagined you anyway (and I hate to be wrong:)
    You are a hell of a woman though, with a strong masculine side, which brings all the richness to your personality.
    You remind of Rachel Maddow, I don’t know why.
    I am so happy to have found you, you are very impressive!

    • Sorry for this delayed response (when you’ve so faithfully responded to mine). I was reading a bit of ‘The Prophet’. Amazing stuff.

      Anyway.

      You mean ‘overwhelming’ me with warm-as-cookies and self-fortifying mugs of self-esteem comments? Sure, do as much as pleases you.

      I’m glad I am a woman too, sometimes (in particular when I’m not trying to cloak my upper protruding bits… they call it being ‘well-endowed’).

      As for having a ’strong’ masculine side, well, it doesn’t show too strongly outside my comfort zone and like I said, I have an androgynous outlook. Wouldn’t mind being male though (Lord kn0ws I’ll pick the path strewn with colours and sparkles and ‘deep discoveries’ if I’m male anyway)! Seems like the Freudian concept of ‘penis envy’ does apply to me somewhat!

      Rachel Maddow (from what I garnered by skimming Wikipedia and from one Youtube video I’ve seen a year ago) is amazingly admirable. She has, after all, a real voice in an all too real world.

    • And what are we talking about? You are pretty darn amazing too! A human rights lawyer and published author. Your voice must have flowed through many a courtroom and workroom/bedroom (bedroom for people who prefer reading on their beds anyway, like say, me)!

      Sorry for peppering you with so many comments- but worry not, I’m off to bed.

  6. Hey girl!
    you need to follow me on Twitter and my friend “onefastmove” we are big fan of yours!

    So how come “tu parles francais?” or just “creme de la creme” and “un grain de beaute”?

  7. Which begs the post, “How I stopped worrying about hits and learned to love my blog”. :) Will definitely be a visitor on yours; great prose.

  8. Er, Hi. Did my comment even come through?

    • Indeed it did, but I’ve been away from my laptop, but since abstinence of any form for me is short-lived, I am here again, voila! As to your suggestion ‘How I stopped worrying about hits and loved to learn a blog’, I will give it a go (but with amendment to the title- hits are still a worry) one day- as much as I love visiting WordPress, I have much, erm, not-very-entertaining prose work to write because society, though mine is largely matriarchal in nature, is unkind and my very own Mrs. Bennet in the form of imminent final senior year examinations, hollers!

      Ah, what the heck! I’ve been preoccupied with Pride and Prejudice starring Colin Firth and the fine-eyed Jennifer Ehle these days.

      Thank you for your comments, Jennifer.

      Alright, I’m coming, I’m coming.

  9. If we want to stay with the sexual metaphors for a sec, then dangling those stats in front of my newly-blogging eyes is bad, bad teasing. Since my own stats are a complete flatline. And now, I don’t know how to get out of metaphoric land again. Help? ;D

  10. I rarely look at my stats counter. That’s not the reason why I blog.

    I blog so that I can get the word out and warn the citizens of Earth of a vanguard of an invading race of giant aliens readying to enslave us.

    Or perhaps my thought screen helmet is on too tight.

  11. Hey girl, how was your exams? still going on?
    Let us know how you are doing:)
    Mirella

  12. adorei seu texto muito engraçado.
    funny your text and image.I am from Brasil

  13. Blogging can be very fulfilling when you start getting attention. I remember one day I got over 4000 hits. That was amazing to me! But it’s never happened again. :-[

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